No time for a breakdown
Dinner would burn
And I'd have to scrub the pot
Not today
Or who would fold the laundry
and put it all away?
I'll try to schedule it next week
On Wednesday afternoon
When everyone is clean and fed
I don't even have
ten more minutes
to finish this thought
Friday, October 16, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Inspired
Lately inspirational quotes have been jumping out at me left and right.
I am a believer in intuition and signs or omens, if you will, and that there are seasons where God and the universe are clearly trying to teach you something.
These are the quotes that have rattled me awake within the last week.
They all have themes of release, acceptance, love, and simplicity, but to be honest, I don't quite know the exact message I am supposed to be receiving.
I do love getting hints, though :)
"Oh, the differences that often are between
everything we want and what we really need."
-Nichole Nordeman
Gratitude
"It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary;
only wise men are able to understand them."
-Paulo Coelho
The Alchemist
Did any of these speak to you, too?
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Choose People
Congressman Pete Sessions,
Hello, Mr. Congressman. As your constituent, I wanted to address the issue of gun control. I have sent prior emails to you on this top since Newtown Massacre. But since then you and your colleagues have done nothing to prevent the repeat of that tragedy (or the 986 mass shootings that have occurred since [1]), I feel I needed to address it again.
I know that in Texas we like our guns. However, this is not an all or nothing situation, there IS a middle ground. Guns need to be safe and accessible to those who use them for hunting or protection. Strengthening the rules surrounding owning a gun will make it better for all - including those who own guns. In fact 74% of people who identify as an "NRA household" are in support of stricter background checks (2).
I am a firm believer in the right to bear arms, but let's keep in mind that the second amendment begins with, "A WELL REGULATED militia..." Regulations were, in fact, built in to the Founding Fathers' ideas regarding gun ownership. And a nation where more preschoolers are shot dead than police officers in the line of duty would not be one that was considered well regulated (3).
Often when these conversations arise, it is quickly shifted to the mental health of the person who committed the crime. Mental health is hugely important and access to quality care is in great need of improvement in our nation. However,only about 7.5% of crimes are committed by someone with a contributing mental illness (4).
One of the most concerning aspects of gun control to me is that research into gun violence has been completely de-funded since the mid 90's. The NRA effectively had congress ban the CDC and remove funding from research involving gun violence (5). We need to have empirical evidence on behaviors, patterns, etc. of these incidences so that we can keep guns out of the hands of those who intend harm. It is hard to imagine anything political about wanting more information on guns and gun behavior, considering 87 people die each day from gun violence (6).
I see that you are third most NRA funded congressman, congratulations (7).
Mr. Sessions, as your constituent, I am asking Congress to take productive steps towards decreasing gun violence deaths, especially those from mass shootings. Choose people over the NRA's money.
References
1. http://www.vox.com/a/mass-shootings-sandy-hook
2. http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/04/24/5-facts-about-the-nra-and-guns-in-america/
3.http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/opinion/sunday/nicholas-kristof-a-new-way-to-tackle-gun-deaths.html
4.http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/04/mental-illness-crime.aspx
5.http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/storyline/wp/2015/01/14/why-the-cdc-still-isnt-researching-gun-violence-despite-the-ban-being-lifted-two-years-ago/
http://www.businessinsider.com/cdc-nra-kills-gun-violence-research-2013-1
6. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/01/16/16547690-just-the-facts-gun-violence-in-america?lite
1.http://sunlightfoundation.com/blog/2012/12/18/5-House-members-who-have-received-most-nra-money/
Hello, Mr. Congressman. As your constituent, I wanted to address the issue of gun control. I have sent prior emails to you on this top since Newtown Massacre. But since then you and your colleagues have done nothing to prevent the repeat of that tragedy (or the 986 mass shootings that have occurred since [1]), I feel I needed to address it again.
I know that in Texas we like our guns. However, this is not an all or nothing situation, there IS a middle ground. Guns need to be safe and accessible to those who use them for hunting or protection. Strengthening the rules surrounding owning a gun will make it better for all - including those who own guns. In fact 74% of people who identify as an "NRA household" are in support of stricter background checks (2).
I am a firm believer in the right to bear arms, but let's keep in mind that the second amendment begins with, "A WELL REGULATED militia..." Regulations were, in fact, built in to the Founding Fathers' ideas regarding gun ownership. And a nation where more preschoolers are shot dead than police officers in the line of duty would not be one that was considered well regulated (3).
Often when these conversations arise, it is quickly shifted to the mental health of the person who committed the crime. Mental health is hugely important and access to quality care is in great need of improvement in our nation. However,only about 7.5% of crimes are committed by someone with a contributing mental illness (4).
One of the most concerning aspects of gun control to me is that research into gun violence has been completely de-funded since the mid 90's. The NRA effectively had congress ban the CDC and remove funding from research involving gun violence (5). We need to have empirical evidence on behaviors, patterns, etc. of these incidences so that we can keep guns out of the hands of those who intend harm. It is hard to imagine anything political about wanting more information on guns and gun behavior, considering 87 people die each day from gun violence (6).
I see that you are third most NRA funded congressman, congratulations (7).
Mr. Sessions, as your constituent, I am asking Congress to take productive steps towards decreasing gun violence deaths, especially those from mass shootings. Choose people over the NRA's money.
References
1. http://www.vox.com/a/mass-shootings-sandy-hook
2. http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/04/24/5-facts-about-the-nra-and-guns-in-america/
3.http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/opinion/sunday/nicholas-kristof-a-new-way-to-tackle-gun-deaths.html
4.http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/04/mental-illness-crime.aspx
5.http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/storyline/wp/2015/01/14/why-the-cdc-still-isnt-researching-gun-violence-despite-the-ban-being-lifted-two-years-ago/
http://www.businessinsider.com/cdc-nra-kills-gun-violence-research-2013-1
6. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/01/16/16547690-just-the-facts-gun-violence-in-america?lite
1.http://sunlightfoundation.com/blog/2012/12/18/5-House-members-who-have-received-most-nra-money/
Monday, October 5, 2015
Three Things
It reminded me of one of my favorite Amy Grant songs from my childhood - Father's Eyes.
I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl,
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world.
But that's all right, as long as I can have one wish I pray:
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say,
She's got her father's eyes, Her father's eyes;
Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around;
Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can't be found;
Eyes full of compassion, Seeing every pain;
Knowing what you're going through And feeling it the same.
Just like my father's eyes, My father's eyes, My father's eyes, Just like my father's eyes.
Here is what I would like my kids to say about me:
1. I showed them what it is to be human.
I want my kids to see that I mess up and get emotional and overreact and lose my cool, and they do see that. Often. I also hope they see me apologize and take deep breaths and try harder next time. Because I'm nowhere near perfect, and chances are they aren't going to be either. I hope they don't see a facade; I hope they see me, the real me. And when they make mistakes in life they aren't disheartened, because they will know that everyone does, even (especially) their Mama. I hope they will know that it's not your mistakes, but how you handle your mistakes that's the real test of character.
2. I am compassionate.
Empathy is my thing. There is very little armor between my heart and other people's pain. This can make life hard for me at times, especially with how readily available horrible news stories are. But I also feel like it is my gift to the world. Sometimes when I am so deeply upset about someone else's tragedy I feel like maybe I am carrying just a bit of their burden for them, lightening them just enough so they can remember to breathe in and breathe out. I want my kids to be caring and kind and see people who are hurting and in need of love. And that they will respond in any small way they can. It's just the most important we can do on this Earth - being kind to one another, and I hope I can be a good example of that to my children.
3. I love them.
I have never for one second in my entire life questioned if I am loved. My parents always made it abundantly clear that I am loved and delighted in by them and by God. As I became an adult, I realized how wonderful and rare of a gift that is. We come into this world so fragile and innately trusting, and not everyone had the parents I had. I hope my kids know in the deepest parts of their soul that I love them completely. With all the mistakes we are all going to make, and all the places I feel that I fall short as a mother, if they know this at the end of my life, my life will have been a success.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Gratitude
Gratitude
This family o' mine
A drink from the vine
Secrets with friends
Contact lens
Warm cupcake
View of a lake
Coffee, oh coffee
How do I love thee?
Feeling understood
A meal that's good
Cool breeze
Let out a sneeze
Ah-choo
Bless you
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll
Goodness, gracious, oh my soul
Flowers picked by my kids
Sippy cups with leak proof lids
Candlelight with my favorite guy
A crisp and blue October sky
Christmas trees lit up in the dark
Swings and slides at the park
Good hair days
Broadway plays
Mail in the box
Warm fuzzy socks
Sunshine on my skin
A home team win
Ins and outs, ups and down
Make this little life go round.
This family o' mine
A drink from the vine
Secrets with friends
Contact lens
Warm cupcake
View of a lake
Coffee, oh coffee
How do I love thee?
Feeling understood
A meal that's good
Cool breeze
Let out a sneeze
Ah-choo
Bless you
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll
Goodness, gracious, oh my soul
Flowers picked by my kids
Sippy cups with leak proof lids
Candlelight with my favorite guy
A crisp and blue October sky
Christmas trees lit up in the dark
Swings and slides at the park
Good hair days
Broadway plays
Mail in the box
Warm fuzzy socks
Sunshine on my skin
A home team win
Ins and outs, ups and down
Make this little life go round.
Friday, October 2, 2015
The Jar
It was almost time. She felt dread, and she had to actually feel it because her jar was almost full. She didn't want this to top it off. So she sat with her dread for a minute until she decided to just do it. Let's get this over with, she mumbled to herself and grabbed the large, opaque jar from its hiding spot in the dark recesses of her closet. It was so heavy she could barely lift it. She sat down with it in a corner of her bedroom.
Here was everything she had put off over several years. Discomfort from a small tiff with her husband that had been avoided by looking at her phone. Jealousy that had arisen from subsequently seeing fabulous vacation photos on Facebook from the girl who had lived next door to her in college. Anger and frustration from that time(s) her toddler threw a fit in the Target aisle. Those feelings were forced aside by two new sweaters, a cute pair of boots and a cheap toy from the dollar section. Shame from remembering the hurtful words she had said about her friend's parenting skills, before she had even had children, of course. Shame that was deepened later when that friend was so gracious with her when she was a fragile new mother. Fear of several varieties: middle of the night "what does it all mean?", and the near miss of her kid almost running in the street, and that abnormal lab test that later turned out to be OK, and on and on. Some were ignored with a large glass of wine. Others with reality dating shows. But here it was now, a jar full of moments like these, where she felt she just couldn't deal. And she had to face them. She had heard what happens if you never empty your jar... It explodes. And those feelings are like shrapnel that hit every area of your life. That didn't sound pleasant, so she was going to do the responsible thing and empty her jar completely this afternoon.
She took a deep breath and slowly unscrewed the lid. One by one they hit her. First it was just the uncomfortable ones, nothing too painful, but there were so many. So many moments that probably weren't that bad at the time, but piled up like this were becoming unbearable. But then came the anger and frustration. She felt white hot with indignation and rage. She had spent so much of her life trying to be nice and pleasant, not rocking the boat. No one had ever said it out loud, but women who showed their anger were rarely admired. So down it had been pushed with tight lipped smiles and polite words. But now that she was overcome with all that anger someone calling her a bitch didn't seem like the end of the world. In fact, she dared them to do it. Shame came next. Things she had said, things she had done and things she had thought. Hateful things, ugly and mean, about other people, but mostly about herself. She shut her eyes tight to try not to feel it. Shame overlapped with fear, of course. Fear that she was a bad friend, a terrible wife and an unfit mother. The fear then turned to all of those worst case scenarios she had ever let take root in her mind. Car crashes, accidental poisoning, divorce, death, loneliness, abandonment, the list went on and on. She found herself thinking there was nothing but horror in the world. What was the point, really?!? The apogee of the experience was hurt. The times she had felt lonely and isolated and ignored and dismissed. It pierced so acutely she almost couldn't breathe, tears were following abundantly down her face. She has reached the point where she wasn't sure she could stand it. All these feelings might actually kill her. She felt weak and hopeless.
Of course this jar was only filled with things she hadn't wanted to feel, so there was no joy, no pleasure, no goodness at this time because that she hadn't pushed away. But what she didn't realize all this time is that the lack of these difficult emotions had dulled the pleasant ones just a bit. So at once she was flooded with the crisp edges of delight and joy and happiness. And this brought freedom and hope and an amazing strength. This strength enabled her to open her eyes, take several deep, cleansing breaths, stand up, pick up her jar (that was now as light as a feather) and smash it to pieces on the hardwood floor. She looked down at the shards of glass and how powerless the jar was now. She smiled walked away smiling.
Here was everything she had put off over several years. Discomfort from a small tiff with her husband that had been avoided by looking at her phone. Jealousy that had arisen from subsequently seeing fabulous vacation photos on Facebook from the girl who had lived next door to her in college. Anger and frustration from that time(s) her toddler threw a fit in the Target aisle. Those feelings were forced aside by two new sweaters, a cute pair of boots and a cheap toy from the dollar section. Shame from remembering the hurtful words she had said about her friend's parenting skills, before she had even had children, of course. Shame that was deepened later when that friend was so gracious with her when she was a fragile new mother. Fear of several varieties: middle of the night "what does it all mean?", and the near miss of her kid almost running in the street, and that abnormal lab test that later turned out to be OK, and on and on. Some were ignored with a large glass of wine. Others with reality dating shows. But here it was now, a jar full of moments like these, where she felt she just couldn't deal. And she had to face them. She had heard what happens if you never empty your jar... It explodes. And those feelings are like shrapnel that hit every area of your life. That didn't sound pleasant, so she was going to do the responsible thing and empty her jar completely this afternoon.
She took a deep breath and slowly unscrewed the lid. One by one they hit her. First it was just the uncomfortable ones, nothing too painful, but there were so many. So many moments that probably weren't that bad at the time, but piled up like this were becoming unbearable. But then came the anger and frustration. She felt white hot with indignation and rage. She had spent so much of her life trying to be nice and pleasant, not rocking the boat. No one had ever said it out loud, but women who showed their anger were rarely admired. So down it had been pushed with tight lipped smiles and polite words. But now that she was overcome with all that anger someone calling her a bitch didn't seem like the end of the world. In fact, she dared them to do it. Shame came next. Things she had said, things she had done and things she had thought. Hateful things, ugly and mean, about other people, but mostly about herself. She shut her eyes tight to try not to feel it. Shame overlapped with fear, of course. Fear that she was a bad friend, a terrible wife and an unfit mother. The fear then turned to all of those worst case scenarios she had ever let take root in her mind. Car crashes, accidental poisoning, divorce, death, loneliness, abandonment, the list went on and on. She found herself thinking there was nothing but horror in the world. What was the point, really?!? The apogee of the experience was hurt. The times she had felt lonely and isolated and ignored and dismissed. It pierced so acutely she almost couldn't breathe, tears were following abundantly down her face. She has reached the point where she wasn't sure she could stand it. All these feelings might actually kill her. She felt weak and hopeless.
Of course this jar was only filled with things she hadn't wanted to feel, so there was no joy, no pleasure, no goodness at this time because that she hadn't pushed away. But what she didn't realize all this time is that the lack of these difficult emotions had dulled the pleasant ones just a bit. So at once she was flooded with the crisp edges of delight and joy and happiness. And this brought freedom and hope and an amazing strength. This strength enabled her to open her eyes, take several deep, cleansing breaths, stand up, pick up her jar (that was now as light as a feather) and smash it to pieces on the hardwood floor. She looked down at the shards of glass and how powerless the jar was now. She smiled walked away smiling.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Write 31 Days
Day 1: The Bricks
Day 2: The Jar
Day 3: Gratitude
Day 4: Three Things
Day 5: Dear Mr. Congressman
Day 6: Inspired
Day 7: No Time
write31days.com
Day 2: The Jar
Day 3: Gratitude
Day 4: Three Things
Day 5: Dear Mr. Congressman
Day 6: Inspired
Day 7: No Time
write31days.com
The Bricks
The bricks were getting tired now,
From weathering the storm.
They held the house up faithfully,
No shingle had been torn.
How much can one rock endure
As inch by inch was worn.
When the bricks would lose their will
Inward they would turn
The ones indoors were calm and warm
And all would seem just right.
The bricks' strength would be renewed
To get them through the night.
How often do you stop to think and thank
the bricks that hold you dear?
But it's alright,
No accolades are needed here,
Nor pomp or praise or prose.
Just knowing that they did their job
And from their strength arose
One or two who now are strong,
Kind and brave and true.
For that is all those bricks
ever strove to do.
SDB
http://write31days.com/
http://write31days.com/
Friday, April 11, 2014
The Trouble with Talking Toys
As any parent knows, toys that talk, play music or make any sound whatsoever are annoying as hell. Anyone who gives a gift that makes sound to a child should first have to listen to said toy on repeat for three hours and then decide if it's a good gift. Spoiler alert: it's not. But children love them and grandparents love to buy them as retribution.
This is not the problem I am referring to, however. These toys are trying to kill me via heart attack. When Emmet was one-ish I was putting groceries into the car and a man's muffled voice said something right behind me. My heart stopped, and I turned to face my attacker. No one was there. The voice came again... turns out I had a transformer car in my purse telling me to "transform and roll ooouuuuttt!"
Last fall, we were driving in the car and Emmet was quiet in the back in deep thought. Then he says, "Mama..." pensive pause... "Mama, (do you) have a Buzz?" Seeing as I was newly pregnant, driving a car, and it was three o'clock in the afternoon - I gathered he was referring to the Lightyear rather than the Cabernet variety. So I (wistfully) responded, "No, buddy, unfortunately Mama does not have a Buzz." To which he said, " I don't have a Buzz, either, Mama - I just have a Woody." Thank you Toy Story for that completely inappropriate conversation - which actually has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, I just think its funny. He, of course, gets a talking Buzz and Woody for Christmas from his grandparents. Fast forward to four days ago when he dunks Woody into a bucket of rainwater after explicitly being told that talking toys can't get wet. Woody went to the toy hospital to dry, along with a Lightning McQueen that I had to disassemble. I checked it every so often to see if it still worked and it did. Once it was completely dry, I gave it back to Emmet, he pulled his string, but no talking. Oh well, I thought this was a good lesson for him to learn. HOURS later as we were getting up from naptime, we hear from downstairs, "Howdy, Partner!" and "Yeehaw!" Our Woody is apparently possessed, talking only when he wants to. This has gone on for a few days now, and Woody seems to be getting chattier with each passing day. I sent Chad this text today, "The Woody Doll is talking a lot in the playroom by himself. So, it's just me and the voice of Tom Hanks here at the house... totally normal."
I guess I'm off to bury him in the backyard, lest I be chopped up while I sleep - I mean, I remember the ghost stories from 4th grade. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
This is not the problem I am referring to, however. These toys are trying to kill me via heart attack. When Emmet was one-ish I was putting groceries into the car and a man's muffled voice said something right behind me. My heart stopped, and I turned to face my attacker. No one was there. The voice came again... turns out I had a transformer car in my purse telling me to "transform and roll ooouuuuttt!"
Last fall, we were driving in the car and Emmet was quiet in the back in deep thought. Then he says, "Mama..." pensive pause... "Mama, (do you) have a Buzz?" Seeing as I was newly pregnant, driving a car, and it was three o'clock in the afternoon - I gathered he was referring to the Lightyear rather than the Cabernet variety. So I (wistfully) responded, "No, buddy, unfortunately Mama does not have a Buzz." To which he said, " I don't have a Buzz, either, Mama - I just have a Woody." Thank you Toy Story for that completely inappropriate conversation - which actually has nothing to do with what I'm talking about, I just think its funny. He, of course, gets a talking Buzz and Woody for Christmas from his grandparents. Fast forward to four days ago when he dunks Woody into a bucket of rainwater after explicitly being told that talking toys can't get wet. Woody went to the toy hospital to dry, along with a Lightning McQueen that I had to disassemble. I checked it every so often to see if it still worked and it did. Once it was completely dry, I gave it back to Emmet, he pulled his string, but no talking. Oh well, I thought this was a good lesson for him to learn. HOURS later as we were getting up from naptime, we hear from downstairs, "Howdy, Partner!" and "Yeehaw!" Our Woody is apparently possessed, talking only when he wants to. This has gone on for a few days now, and Woody seems to be getting chattier with each passing day. I sent Chad this text today, "The Woody Doll is talking a lot in the playroom by himself. So, it's just me and the voice of Tom Hanks here at the house... totally normal."
I guess I'm off to bury him in the backyard, lest I be chopped up while I sleep - I mean, I remember the ghost stories from 4th grade. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Power
It is easy to believe we don't have any power in today's world. With vast international corporations attempting to drive all of our consumer decisions, greedy bankers playing Russian roulette with our money, the ever widening wealth inequality, and corrupt politicians in the news every other day, it is a wonder we don't feel defeated all the time. And yes, some people have much more power through position and wealth than the regular folks. But all of us are given 24 hours a day with which to cast a vote and a voice with every dollar we earn and spend. And as Americans, its a lot more dollars than we think. Most first world citizens are in the Top 1% of wealth in the world and we do about 90% of the consuming.
If asked, most Americans would report they value things like family, friends, church, honesty, freedom, equality, etc. But I'm not sure that is the picture of what we appear to value through our actions. And that is what we call cognitive dissonance - the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes as relating to behavioral decisions. It's something we all experience, but have become skilled at putting out of mind. But here's what our behaviors show we value.
With every reality show we watch - we are telling TV corporations, "I value this! Make more shows where women are fighting over something no one cares about, where country people's simple ways are mocked with or without their knowledge, where the most cutthroat person is revered."
With every purchase of a drive-thru burger and fries we let the fast food industry know, "I value convenience over health and taste! I would rather spend $2.50 now and pay for diabetes treatment later."
With every "five minutes" on our smartphones that turns into 2 hours we are telling ourselves, our family and our friends, "I value social media over actual conversation and relationship! Being with real people is too complicated, so I'll just look at other's people fake lives, show them my fake life and catch up with whatever wisdom famous people want to share with me on Twitter."
With every dollar we spend at companies with un-ethical business practices we reassure them, "I value cheap stuff over poor people! Sure, I know there are men, women and children working in horrible conditions for very little money to keep this product so cheap for me, but I can easily turn a blind eye. It's as if I am not also a citizen of the same world."
With every diet pill and cosmetic fix-it-all we buy, we are asserting to the company, ourselves and women all over the world, "I believe you when you tell me I am not okay! I don't feel pretty enough, thin enough, perfect enough in my skin. I will do whatever it takes to try to live up to an unrealistic image of beauty."
With every purchase we make that we can't afford we insist, "I've bought the lie! This shiny new thing will surely make me happy and fulfilled, even when all of the other things haven't."
When we fill our calendar to the brim with activities and to-dos (however noble they seem) we tell our minds and bodies, "Busy is important! I have to be all of the things to all of the people without being anything for myself. My well-being is second-tier to being important; rest and pleasure must be sacrificed! Busy is my badge of honor!"
I'm a total buzz-kill, I know. It's easy to feel like my small contribution doesn't matter - it's just a 30 minute show or a $20 shirt, I feel that way too. But if I used my time and money to reflect my actual values, instead of furthering the cognitive dissonance between my heart/mind and the life I'm living, and you did too, and enough people started making changes - things might happen. We are never going to rid ourselves of these things completely, but I think companies would take notice. They don't really care all that much about their product, they just want to spend as little as possible to sell it to you for as much as possible. So if the market speaks, they will listen... although probably begrudgingly.
Or maybe we would realize we don't actually care what they are selling us. Maybe we will see we don't understand the difference between needs and wants. Maybe we would find better things to do with our time that left us feeling more enriched instead of drained and miserable. And maybe less stuff and more time enjoying the gifts we've been given would actually make us happy. It's a radical idea, and I know I'm not the first to have it, but maybe it's worth pursuing. I want to take back my power.
"You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say." Paul Coelho in The Alchemist
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation." Jesus, Luke 6:24
"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world." Dr. Paul Farmer
"The trouble is, you think you have time." Buddha
"Mother Teresa didn't walk around complaining about her thighs - she had shit to do." Sarah Silverman
"The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, and being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you. It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don't buy it! Be smart, be thoughtful and be generous." Ashton Kutcher
"Do small things with great love." Mother Teresa
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." Elie Wiesel
If asked, most Americans would report they value things like family, friends, church, honesty, freedom, equality, etc. But I'm not sure that is the picture of what we appear to value through our actions. And that is what we call cognitive dissonance - the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes as relating to behavioral decisions. It's something we all experience, but have become skilled at putting out of mind. But here's what our behaviors show we value.
With every reality show we watch - we are telling TV corporations, "I value this! Make more shows where women are fighting over something no one cares about, where country people's simple ways are mocked with or without their knowledge, where the most cutthroat person is revered."
With every purchase of a drive-thru burger and fries we let the fast food industry know, "I value convenience over health and taste! I would rather spend $2.50 now and pay for diabetes treatment later."
With every "five minutes" on our smartphones that turns into 2 hours we are telling ourselves, our family and our friends, "I value social media over actual conversation and relationship! Being with real people is too complicated, so I'll just look at other's people fake lives, show them my fake life and catch up with whatever wisdom famous people want to share with me on Twitter."
With every dollar we spend at companies with un-ethical business practices we reassure them, "I value cheap stuff over poor people! Sure, I know there are men, women and children working in horrible conditions for very little money to keep this product so cheap for me, but I can easily turn a blind eye. It's as if I am not also a citizen of the same world."
With every diet pill and cosmetic fix-it-all we buy, we are asserting to the company, ourselves and women all over the world, "I believe you when you tell me I am not okay! I don't feel pretty enough, thin enough, perfect enough in my skin. I will do whatever it takes to try to live up to an unrealistic image of beauty."
With every purchase we make that we can't afford we insist, "I've bought the lie! This shiny new thing will surely make me happy and fulfilled, even when all of the other things haven't."
When we fill our calendar to the brim with activities and to-dos (however noble they seem) we tell our minds and bodies, "Busy is important! I have to be all of the things to all of the people without being anything for myself. My well-being is second-tier to being important; rest and pleasure must be sacrificed! Busy is my badge of honor!"
I'm a total buzz-kill, I know. It's easy to feel like my small contribution doesn't matter - it's just a 30 minute show or a $20 shirt, I feel that way too. But if I used my time and money to reflect my actual values, instead of furthering the cognitive dissonance between my heart/mind and the life I'm living, and you did too, and enough people started making changes - things might happen. We are never going to rid ourselves of these things completely, but I think companies would take notice. They don't really care all that much about their product, they just want to spend as little as possible to sell it to you for as much as possible. So if the market speaks, they will listen... although probably begrudgingly.
Or maybe we would realize we don't actually care what they are selling us. Maybe we will see we don't understand the difference between needs and wants. Maybe we would find better things to do with our time that left us feeling more enriched instead of drained and miserable. And maybe less stuff and more time enjoying the gifts we've been given would actually make us happy. It's a radical idea, and I know I'm not the first to have it, but maybe it's worth pursuing. I want to take back my power.
"You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say." Paul Coelho in The Alchemist
"But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation." Jesus, Luke 6:24
"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world." Dr. Paul Farmer
"The trouble is, you think you have time." Buddha
"Mother Teresa didn't walk around complaining about her thighs - she had shit to do." Sarah Silverman
"The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart, and being thoughtful, and being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you. It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don't buy it! Be smart, be thoughtful and be generous." Ashton Kutcher
"Do small things with great love." Mother Teresa
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." Elie Wiesel
Monday, September 16, 2013
A Ramble
The terror of a blank page with nothing to say is
akin to the fear of dreaming big for me. Afraid to want. Afraid of disappointment
and failure. I have always viewed “playing it safe” as a good trait to have.
Never risking much, always being in a fairly well-controlled delusion. I know
that life is not that way – controlled or safe. I want to dream and have
aspirations, but I don’t even know how to start seeking them. I guess writing
is all I know to do. But I don’t have anything to say. I want more than traffic
and schedules and cleaning house and always feeling inadequate. I love my
family, I love to cook, I love to write, I love community, and I love nature. I
feel that we are missing so much in our modern, high-tech, busy ways. I’ve felt
like there was never enough time for anything. Rushing to do, rushing to rest,
rushing to distract myself with mindless internet and television. I have to
force myself to stay in the uncomfortable place of not being distracted, of
sitting with myself, listening to my heart – who hasn’t gotten to have a say
much in my life. I always have this dream of moving out to the middle of
nowhere, with limited technology and living like all people did until our
generation, it seems. Where you know people, to the point of having to work
through disagreements and dislikes, where you know and love and serve your
neighbor, where you can’t just avoid someone who makes you uncomfortable. All
of that is sanctifying – burning off our superficial exteriors and purifying
what’s underneath. Are we all missing that? Are we all unsanctified? It’s hard
to see the value in modern convenience sometimes. Sure, I like good restaurants
and shopping – but maybe that’s not worth very much compared to what we have inadvertently
given up. I want my kids to play in the street and explore and skin their knees
and dirty their clothes and meet new friends and fight with old friends and
learn to make up. I want them to talk to me about all of that. How do I find a
50’s neighborhood in 2013? Hell, even a 90’s neighborhood – when we barely had
dial up internet and no facebook. When your perceptions of other people came
from real life, and probably an airbrushed magazine or two – not pinterest,
facebook, design blogs, instagram – where everyone presents their best selves
day in, day out and other people eat that up as the truth, or worse, as the
whole truth and feel unworthy. It’s really just a slice – the happy kids, the successful
craft or DIY project. Leaving out all of that ugly, real-life stuff – the messy
kitchen, the 10 other failed crafts, the project that has been half finished in
your office for a year, the fight with your spouse, the tantrums, the places
where deep down we feel that we aren’t doing it right, that we missed a class
on “successful adulthood” where everyone learned the secret but us. A large
sense of how we view reality comes from fictional places – TV, movies, and these
highlight reels of other people’s lives. We have cliché sayings to smooth over
any ruffles of discomfort, to reassure ourselves of the lies that life is not
hard. I picked up over the years that the entire goal of my existence was to
remain even-keeled, comfortable and content – any disruption was a sign of my
poor managerial skills. So I kept things at bay – desires, fears, insecurities,
discomfort – but then other things wound up being kept at a distance too – hope
and joy. Because the lesson that I missed is that all of those things are
tangled up together and impossible to separate. They are always hand in hand –
grief and joy, hope and fear, desire and failure. When kids in my study want to
get off of the medication, they always state the same reason – they feel flat.
Sure, they aren’t sad and hopeless anymore, but they aren’t much of anything
now, which isn’t much better.
I guess my goals for now are to 1.) write more, I’d
like to say every day, but this is about reality 2.) stay in discomfort, don’t
distract myself from it. And maybe I will learn something by doing those two
things.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Traditional Values
This is quite the hot button issue, I know. It may not be cool to talk about, but I'm gonna. Let's start with a little definition (middle-school-essay-style)
Abomination: noun. A thing that causes disgust or hatred.
Sorry if that's hurtful, but its Webster, folks.
This verse in Leviticus is a big deal - I mean if you are causing disgust and hatred - that's big. And I know a lot of people argue that these Leviticus verses are old and out-dated. Some even believe that the salvation of Jesus takes us off the hook for these verses - but it's written in black and white in the Bible, and it's hard to argue with that.
So, I am here today to make my arguments before you all, and I know it may not be popular. But I am here to stand up against the disgrace of shellfish. You heard me. Shellfish.
Leviticus 11:10-11 (NKJ)
But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, THEY ARE AN ABOMINATION TO YOU... you shall not eat their flesh, but you shall regard their carcasses as an abomination.
To be clear: this means crab, lobster, shrimp, crawfish, eel, roe, oysters, clams, and mussels are all ABOMINATIONS.
If you have ever eaten these unclean animals, I will pray for your soul. I feel it is my duty, as a Christian, to inform you of your evil ways. Not only is it an abomination, it's just icky and not natural. And really, you're ruining the sacredness of me and my traditional seafood. You're also ruining America. I mean, how am I supposed to explain this to my kid if he comes home from a restaurant after seeing someone eat SHRIMP?! And the way you flaunt it with your crawfish boils and caviar and Alaskan King Crab - ugh - it's just so blasphemous.
But fear not! Jesus can help you! Jesus can reform your shellfish ways! And even if he won't make the desires for these disgusting creatures go away, he will help you have enough self-control to not act on those desires!
Now, who's in - CHRISTIANS FOR TRADITIONAL SEAFOOD!
Let's make signs and picket every Red Lobster and Long John Silvers from sea to shining sea! Let's legislate shellfish to be illegal for all Americans! Let's do it for Jesus - I'm sure it's what he would want!
Who's with me?!
Oh, and don't even get me started on bacon...
Abomination: noun. A thing that causes disgust or hatred.
Sorry if that's hurtful, but its Webster, folks.
This verse in Leviticus is a big deal - I mean if you are causing disgust and hatred - that's big. And I know a lot of people argue that these Leviticus verses are old and out-dated. Some even believe that the salvation of Jesus takes us off the hook for these verses - but it's written in black and white in the Bible, and it's hard to argue with that.
So, I am here today to make my arguments before you all, and I know it may not be popular. But I am here to stand up against the disgrace of shellfish. You heard me. Shellfish.
Leviticus 11:10-11 (NKJ)
But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, THEY ARE AN ABOMINATION TO YOU... you shall not eat their flesh, but you shall regard their carcasses as an abomination.
To be clear: this means crab, lobster, shrimp, crawfish, eel, roe, oysters, clams, and mussels are all ABOMINATIONS.
If you have ever eaten these unclean animals, I will pray for your soul. I feel it is my duty, as a Christian, to inform you of your evil ways. Not only is it an abomination, it's just icky and not natural. And really, you're ruining the sacredness of me and my traditional seafood. You're also ruining America. I mean, how am I supposed to explain this to my kid if he comes home from a restaurant after seeing someone eat SHRIMP?! And the way you flaunt it with your crawfish boils and caviar and Alaskan King Crab - ugh - it's just so blasphemous.
But fear not! Jesus can help you! Jesus can reform your shellfish ways! And even if he won't make the desires for these disgusting creatures go away, he will help you have enough self-control to not act on those desires!
Now, who's in - CHRISTIANS FOR TRADITIONAL SEAFOOD!
Let's make signs and picket every Red Lobster and Long John Silvers from sea to shining sea! Let's legislate shellfish to be illegal for all Americans! Let's do it for Jesus - I'm sure it's what he would want!
Who's with me?!
Oh, and don't even get me started on bacon...
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Why I Believe
A lot of times when terrible things happen, people doubt the existence of God. It often sounds like, "How could God let this happen?" or "Where is God in all of this?"
Some sad things have happened lately; sad things happen every day. At those times when your blinders come off and you see how fleeting this all is, how fleeting we are, it is scary. I get scared.
I was in one of those funks recently. I saw death and sadness and despair everywhere I looked, and I tried so hard to not see it, but God made me see it. He was working on my heart again... ugh.
But sadness and evil and all things terrible actually reaffirm God for me. I know that may sound odd, so hear me out.
When we hear about horrible things, about babies being gunned down, about cancers and car accidents our minds and bodies reject it. There is some thing, some feeling, that strikes every fiber of our being and screams, "NO! NO! This cannot be!" We just know that this is WRONG in every kind of way. And that is because it is. This isn't the way life is supposed to be; something is broken.
Our God designed our spirits for more than this - for oneness with Him, for a life without death and pain and separation, but then evil came into our world and we let it have control. So now we live with Good and Evil in our world and they are all the time at war.
This world is a preview, I think, nothing is the real thing. We see slices of Good - laughing and babies and good meals with friends and wine and cozy sleeping. But none of that is the Real Good, it is just a reflection of it in a mirror. We also see slices or reflections of Evil. And actually, it is God trying to help us see.
"The human spirit will not even begin to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it. Now error and sin both have this property, that the deeper they are, the less their victim suspects their existence; they are masked evil. Pain is unmasked, unmistakable evil, every man knows that something is wrong when he is being hurt... And the pain is not only recognizable evil, but evil impossible to ignore. We rest contentedly in our sins and stupidities... and can even ignore our pleasures, but pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
C.S. Lewis, The Problem with Pain
In the name of full disclosure, I have not read this book yet, but I thought this quote was wonderful.
We can't ignore it forever. We have to recognize our situation - we are in the middle of Good and Evil and our experience is us having a chance to choose one. Now, very few people actually choose Evil. I think most who go the way of Evil have chosen a product of it that masquerades as good - money, success, or most potently, themselves. But that is their choice, nonetheless. We all make choices like that, probably everyday. But when we choose The Good, aka God's redemptive love through Christ, it trumps all the times we have chosen Evil in the past and all of the times we will choose it in the future. We still choose ourselves, even in Christ, but it's okay because that is forgiven too. But hopefully we will choose ourselves a little less with His help.
But what hurt and sadness and death and loss teach us, if we allow it, is that one day there will be no Evil. We will live the way our souls were designed to live, in peace and perpetual goodness with God. Not even the goodness that we experience here on Earth, but the Real Good - our worldly good on steroids. God wants that for us, for our hearts, so badly. It is the thing He wants the most. And so he sends bad things to our world to remind us, to awaken us to our current situation. He allows the Evil because He loves us.
And I will leave you with a little more C.S. Lewis, because I think he is wonderful and can say so eloquently the things I cannot.
"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this life can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world... Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country..."
From Mere Christianity, specifically the chapter on Hope. I cannot recommend a book so vital as this one, aside from the Bible, of course :)
Some sad things have happened lately; sad things happen every day. At those times when your blinders come off and you see how fleeting this all is, how fleeting we are, it is scary. I get scared.
I was in one of those funks recently. I saw death and sadness and despair everywhere I looked, and I tried so hard to not see it, but God made me see it. He was working on my heart again... ugh.
But sadness and evil and all things terrible actually reaffirm God for me. I know that may sound odd, so hear me out.
When we hear about horrible things, about babies being gunned down, about cancers and car accidents our minds and bodies reject it. There is some thing, some feeling, that strikes every fiber of our being and screams, "NO! NO! This cannot be!" We just know that this is WRONG in every kind of way. And that is because it is. This isn't the way life is supposed to be; something is broken.
Our God designed our spirits for more than this - for oneness with Him, for a life without death and pain and separation, but then evil came into our world and we let it have control. So now we live with Good and Evil in our world and they are all the time at war.
This world is a preview, I think, nothing is the real thing. We see slices of Good - laughing and babies and good meals with friends and wine and cozy sleeping. But none of that is the Real Good, it is just a reflection of it in a mirror. We also see slices or reflections of Evil. And actually, it is God trying to help us see.
"The human spirit will not even begin to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it. Now error and sin both have this property, that the deeper they are, the less their victim suspects their existence; they are masked evil. Pain is unmasked, unmistakable evil, every man knows that something is wrong when he is being hurt... And the pain is not only recognizable evil, but evil impossible to ignore. We rest contentedly in our sins and stupidities... and can even ignore our pleasures, but pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
C.S. Lewis, The Problem with Pain
In the name of full disclosure, I have not read this book yet, but I thought this quote was wonderful.
We can't ignore it forever. We have to recognize our situation - we are in the middle of Good and Evil and our experience is us having a chance to choose one. Now, very few people actually choose Evil. I think most who go the way of Evil have chosen a product of it that masquerades as good - money, success, or most potently, themselves. But that is their choice, nonetheless. We all make choices like that, probably everyday. But when we choose The Good, aka God's redemptive love through Christ, it trumps all the times we have chosen Evil in the past and all of the times we will choose it in the future. We still choose ourselves, even in Christ, but it's okay because that is forgiven too. But hopefully we will choose ourselves a little less with His help.
But what hurt and sadness and death and loss teach us, if we allow it, is that one day there will be no Evil. We will live the way our souls were designed to live, in peace and perpetual goodness with God. Not even the goodness that we experience here on Earth, but the Real Good - our worldly good on steroids. God wants that for us, for our hearts, so badly. It is the thing He wants the most. And so he sends bad things to our world to remind us, to awaken us to our current situation. He allows the Evil because He loves us.
And I will leave you with a little more C.S. Lewis, because I think he is wonderful and can say so eloquently the things I cannot.
"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this life can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world... Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country..."
From Mere Christianity, specifically the chapter on Hope. I cannot recommend a book so vital as this one, aside from the Bible, of course :)
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Good Testimony
Sitting in church listening to people's testimonies as a little girl, I would always think, "I guess I ought to join a biker gang or spend some time in rehab or something so that I have a good story one day." Little did I know that God gives everyone in this world a story and mine was not going to look like those.
I was raised in a wonderful Christian home with loving and Godly parents. Nothing was perfect or idyllic but it was a home where God resided, so grace love and grace abounded. I was a good girl. I made all As, with an occasional B, I did my homework, followed the rules and aimed to be kind, although I had plenty of "don't talk to me in that tone young lady" moments. I was quite certain I had life figured out by age 13.
But I wanted popularity at school and a boyfriend and a good story for my testimony so that people would take me seriously. I also very much wanted a miraculous experience from God - which I searched for at church camp and by "evangelizing" my school friends (or perfect strangers), but I never got it. I was conflicted. I wandered just a little bit from God, and then a little further and then a little further.
I sort of got more poplar. This also coincided with the shedding of my awkwardness - contacts instead of glasses and braces taken off - so its hard to tell what was the true cause. I got more attention from boys, but not the dreamy romantic boyfriend I had been hoping for. I wouldn't meet him until the age of 23 - an eternity away to a teenager.
And here's the thing, it was fine. I didn't get addicted to drugs, I didn't get tattoos, I didn't become a stripper or drop out of school or anything "dangerous" at all. I kept being good. I was a nice person. I was good at school and double-majored in English and Psychology and graduated from college Magna Cum Laude (holla!). But something in my heart was wanting. I would get closer to God for a while, fail at something "moral", or I would just get bored or forget. And I'd drift back away. But again, things were pretty much fine.
And this is what I have come to realize... being good can be just as much of a hindrance to Godliness as sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I had enough morality and doses of God put into me that I was able to coast by. I believe I was mostly kind and compassionate, I knew all of the Sunday school answers, and I tithed, ya know? But still no miraculous experience. Somewhere in my mind, I just kept thinking that at some point I'd get my shit together and get back to God. I'll definitely be there by the time I'm an adult...nope. By the time I'm married, then... nope. By the time I am a Mom I will most certainly be presentable for God again... nope. I was still a bit of a mess. Why can't I get my act together? Why can't I diligently study the Bible all monk-like? Why do I have no answers for the crazy, messed up ways of the world? I'm a good person - I'm good at this! But why do I suck?
The answer (of course) was right in front of me the whole time. I'd said it, prayed it, sang it, preached it. I just didn't fully see it as it applied to me. God doesn't love the me in a few years who has her act together and is ready to be a serious Christian, he loves me. Me now, me yesterday. Me when I'm gossiping, me when I'm angry, me when I'm selfish and hateful and sad and happy and proud and humble... all of it. That is the me He sent Christ for. There is no asterisk on the cross with fine print reading, "except for Shauna until she is the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend and has a spotless house and a perfect budget." (Now why God would care about those last things, I have no idea - but that is in my head as to what I should strive to be... ridiculous.)
The most ironic part is that there is no way to be a "serious Christian" without His help. But my attempt at being good, and being somewhat successful at it, actually stood in the way of God working in my life and changing my heart and perspective. And I'm so glad He has done/is doing those things; that He overcame me for me. And that is, and always was, my miracle. Christ on the cross, God's transforming Love, every breath we take, is really all one big, amazing miracle. Thank you, Jesus!
I am most certainly guilty of various sins, but these are the things that damaged my heart, not just ways for other people to measure my goodness. I think that God's priority is my heart so that was the priority in this story. I never did join a biker gang, but that could have been pretty cool.
"Unless we really try, whatever we say there will always be at the back of our minds the idea that if we try harder next time we shall succeed in being completely good. Thus, in one sense, the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.'...
Christians have often disputed as to whether what leads the Christian home is good actions, or Faith in Christ. I have no right really to speak on such a difficult question, but it does seem to me like asking which blade in a pair of scissors is most necessary. A serious moral effort is the only thing that will bring you to the point where you throw up the sponge. Faith in Christ is the only thing to save you from despair at that point; and out of that Faith in Him good actions must inevitable come."
-C. S. Lewis
Mere Christianity, Book III, Chapter 12
I was raised in a wonderful Christian home with loving and Godly parents. Nothing was perfect or idyllic but it was a home where God resided, so grace love and grace abounded. I was a good girl. I made all As, with an occasional B, I did my homework, followed the rules and aimed to be kind, although I had plenty of "don't talk to me in that tone young lady" moments. I was quite certain I had life figured out by age 13.
But I wanted popularity at school and a boyfriend and a good story for my testimony so that people would take me seriously. I also very much wanted a miraculous experience from God - which I searched for at church camp and by "evangelizing" my school friends (or perfect strangers), but I never got it. I was conflicted. I wandered just a little bit from God, and then a little further and then a little further.
I sort of got more poplar. This also coincided with the shedding of my awkwardness - contacts instead of glasses and braces taken off - so its hard to tell what was the true cause. I got more attention from boys, but not the dreamy romantic boyfriend I had been hoping for. I wouldn't meet him until the age of 23 - an eternity away to a teenager.
And here's the thing, it was fine. I didn't get addicted to drugs, I didn't get tattoos, I didn't become a stripper or drop out of school or anything "dangerous" at all. I kept being good. I was a nice person. I was good at school and double-majored in English and Psychology and graduated from college Magna Cum Laude (holla!). But something in my heart was wanting. I would get closer to God for a while, fail at something "moral", or I would just get bored or forget. And I'd drift back away. But again, things were pretty much fine.
And this is what I have come to realize... being good can be just as much of a hindrance to Godliness as sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I had enough morality and doses of God put into me that I was able to coast by. I believe I was mostly kind and compassionate, I knew all of the Sunday school answers, and I tithed, ya know? But still no miraculous experience. Somewhere in my mind, I just kept thinking that at some point I'd get my shit together and get back to God. I'll definitely be there by the time I'm an adult...nope. By the time I'm married, then... nope. By the time I am a Mom I will most certainly be presentable for God again... nope. I was still a bit of a mess. Why can't I get my act together? Why can't I diligently study the Bible all monk-like? Why do I have no answers for the crazy, messed up ways of the world? I'm a good person - I'm good at this! But why do I suck?
The answer (of course) was right in front of me the whole time. I'd said it, prayed it, sang it, preached it. I just didn't fully see it as it applied to me. God doesn't love the me in a few years who has her act together and is ready to be a serious Christian, he loves me. Me now, me yesterday. Me when I'm gossiping, me when I'm angry, me when I'm selfish and hateful and sad and happy and proud and humble... all of it. That is the me He sent Christ for. There is no asterisk on the cross with fine print reading, "except for Shauna until she is the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend and has a spotless house and a perfect budget." (Now why God would care about those last things, I have no idea - but that is in my head as to what I should strive to be... ridiculous.)
The most ironic part is that there is no way to be a "serious Christian" without His help. But my attempt at being good, and being somewhat successful at it, actually stood in the way of God working in my life and changing my heart and perspective. And I'm so glad He has done/is doing those things; that He overcame me for me. And that is, and always was, my miracle. Christ on the cross, God's transforming Love, every breath we take, is really all one big, amazing miracle. Thank you, Jesus!
I am most certainly guilty of various sins, but these are the things that damaged my heart, not just ways for other people to measure my goodness. I think that God's priority is my heart so that was the priority in this story. I never did join a biker gang, but that could have been pretty cool.
"Unless we really try, whatever we say there will always be at the back of our minds the idea that if we try harder next time we shall succeed in being completely good. Thus, in one sense, the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.'...
Christians have often disputed as to whether what leads the Christian home is good actions, or Faith in Christ. I have no right really to speak on such a difficult question, but it does seem to me like asking which blade in a pair of scissors is most necessary. A serious moral effort is the only thing that will bring you to the point where you throw up the sponge. Faith in Christ is the only thing to save you from despair at that point; and out of that Faith in Him good actions must inevitable come."
-C. S. Lewis
Mere Christianity, Book III, Chapter 12
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Pet Peeve: Mustaches
I don't get it.
Why are mustaches everywhere right now? They are tattoos, party themes, coffee mugs, jokes ("I mustache you ask a question..." or something like that), photo props... etc.
Why is that cool? Is it supposed to be ironic-funny because mustaches are so not cool? I must be old.
I only approve of two mustaches:
1. Tom Selleck
2. Ron Swanson
Please, please, please don't get this tattoo, people. Seriously, it will only be funny for a minute - use a sharpie.
Why are mustaches everywhere right now? They are tattoos, party themes, coffee mugs, jokes ("I mustache you ask a question..." or something like that), photo props... etc.
Why is that cool? Is it supposed to be ironic-funny because mustaches are so not cool? I must be old.
I only approve of two mustaches:
1. Tom Selleck
2. Ron Swanson
Please, please, please don't get this tattoo, people. Seriously, it will only be funny for a minute - use a sharpie.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Honest Confessions
In this cutesy, handmade, Pinterest world, I think it's time for a little mom/wife/woman honesty.
1. I tried to make peanut fudge with a super simple 2 step recipe and I inexplicably messed it up.
2. I have approximately six piles of clothes scattered around my house that need to be put away.
3. I have never made one thing with those wine corks I've been saving.
4. Only about ten things are hung on the walls of our house after 5 months.
5. On the car ride back from the beach, I let my toddler eat Pirate Booty for lunch.
6. I have not finished my wedding scrapbook and I don't think I ever will. I have recently decided to slap some glue to the rest of the pictures and just get them in there.
7. I throw Tupperware away some times just because I don't want to wash it. Also, spell check just had to tell me I needed to capitalize "Tupperware."
Feel better?
1. I tried to make peanut fudge with a super simple 2 step recipe and I inexplicably messed it up.
2. I have approximately six piles of clothes scattered around my house that need to be put away.
3. I have never made one thing with those wine corks I've been saving.
4. Only about ten things are hung on the walls of our house after 5 months.
5. On the car ride back from the beach, I let my toddler eat Pirate Booty for lunch.
6. I have not finished my wedding scrapbook and I don't think I ever will. I have recently decided to slap some glue to the rest of the pictures and just get them in there.
7. I throw Tupperware away some times just because I don't want to wash it. Also, spell check just had to tell me I needed to capitalize "Tupperware."
Feel better?
Pet Peeve: Pets as People
Pets are not people; they are animals. That sentence is literally a fact. However, today people seem to looooove to act like animals are people.
1. They dress them up. Yuck.
2. They let them rule their homes and beds and couches, making them smelly and/or hairy.
3. They let them babysit. I am sick and tired of seeing babies posed or napping or in the arms of a big giant dog.
That is an ANIMAL, parents!! An animal who might suddenly get freaked out by a car noise outside or a fleck of dust in the air or who might have a dream that they are chasing a squirrel and in the process could absolutely injure the fragile and precious tiny human being who has been entrusted to your care. I know you think your dog would never do that... but that dog has no understanding of how it could accidentally injure that child. And that is not cute.
4. When I tell something about my child, they say, "Oh, I know just what you mean! My dog/cat/pet always..."
Really? Did you create your pet from your own person, birth him, nurse him, care for his every need hour after hour, day after day, year after year? Do you sit in awe of the amazing miracle that is a pet? Do you teach your pet about life, love and decency? Do you carefully build your pet's character and nurture his self-esteem? Do you quit your job to care for your pet or spend thousands of dollars a month for good daycare? Do you lie awake at night hoping for your pet's future, worrying about his health and safety? Do you constantly analyze what you could be doing better as your pet's caretaker or if you are doing a good enough job?
So, in conclusion, pets are not people. Please tell your friends.
1. They dress them up. Yuck.
2. They let them rule their homes and beds and couches, making them smelly and/or hairy.
3. They let them babysit. I am sick and tired of seeing babies posed or napping or in the arms of a big giant dog.
That is an ANIMAL, parents!! An animal who might suddenly get freaked out by a car noise outside or a fleck of dust in the air or who might have a dream that they are chasing a squirrel and in the process could absolutely injure the fragile and precious tiny human being who has been entrusted to your care. I know you think your dog would never do that... but that dog has no understanding of how it could accidentally injure that child. And that is not cute.
4. When I tell something about my child, they say, "Oh, I know just what you mean! My dog/cat/pet always..."
Really? Did you create your pet from your own person, birth him, nurse him, care for his every need hour after hour, day after day, year after year? Do you sit in awe of the amazing miracle that is a pet? Do you teach your pet about life, love and decency? Do you carefully build your pet's character and nurture his self-esteem? Do you quit your job to care for your pet or spend thousands of dollars a month for good daycare? Do you lie awake at night hoping for your pet's future, worrying about his health and safety? Do you constantly analyze what you could be doing better as your pet's caretaker or if you are doing a good enough job?
So, in conclusion, pets are not people. Please tell your friends.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
I stand Amazed.
Marvelous: Causing wonder or astonishment, miraculous, supernatural, of the highest or best quality.
Wonderful: awe-inspiring, inexplicable by the laws of nature, far superior to anything seen or will be seen.
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene.
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned unclean.
How Marvelous! How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!
He took my sin and my sorrow
He made them his very own.
He bore the burden to Calvary
And suffered and died alone.
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous!How Wonderful
Is my Savior's love for me!
For me it was in the garden
He prayed, Not my will, but Thine"
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous! How Wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!
When with the ransomed in Glory
His face I at last shall see!
T'will be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me!
Wonderful: awe-inspiring, inexplicable by the laws of nature, far superior to anything seen or will be seen.
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene.
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned unclean.
How Marvelous! How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!
He took my sin and my sorrow
He made them his very own.
He bore the burden to Calvary
And suffered and died alone.
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous!How Wonderful
Is my Savior's love for me!
For me it was in the garden
He prayed, Not my will, but Thine"
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.
How Marvelous!How Wonderful!
And my song shall ever be...
How Marvelous! How Wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!
When with the ransomed in Glory
His face I at last shall see!
T'will be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Enchanted
There is something so magical about the arrival of fall. The crispness of the air, the cool breeze, the leaves and pumpkins, the colors of nature, the coziness of it all. No other season quite rivals it - sure summer is wonderful with the beach and sun-kissed skin; and the delight of a snowy Christmas (so I hear, I live in Texas); and the life that spring brings. But fall... it's enchanting! It's my season, I guess.
I so vividly remember the first time I was so taken in by autumn. I was around ten; I ran outside to play with kids in my neighborhood. The feel and the smell of the cool breeze mixed with the joys of childhood just about knocked me over right there on our back steps. It's one of those frozen moments in time for me.
As I get older, it only gets better: coffee, boots, scarves and pumpkin muffins are fun signs of the season. Even more wonderfully, the two best things in my life have happened in the fall - my engagement to my loving husband and finding out that my Emmet was on his way!
In The Sacred Romance (by Brent Curtis and John Eldridge) they discuss the different ways God romances our hearts throughout our lives:
"Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty and adventure. This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. However we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God."
That is what fall reminds me; God is romancing me. He loves me just as I am... here and now. So every year, he kisses the earth with the magic of fall to say, "Shauna, remember! Remember how much I love you! I made you all this, and it is nothing compared to what I have in store!"
I hope you are enchanted, too.
I so vividly remember the first time I was so taken in by autumn. I was around ten; I ran outside to play with kids in my neighborhood. The feel and the smell of the cool breeze mixed with the joys of childhood just about knocked me over right there on our back steps. It's one of those frozen moments in time for me.
As I get older, it only gets better: coffee, boots, scarves and pumpkin muffins are fun signs of the season. Even more wonderfully, the two best things in my life have happened in the fall - my engagement to my loving husband and finding out that my Emmet was on his way!
In The Sacred Romance (by Brent Curtis and John Eldridge) they discuss the different ways God romances our hearts throughout our lives:
"Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty and adventure. This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. However we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God."
That is what fall reminds me; God is romancing me. He loves me just as I am... here and now. So every year, he kisses the earth with the magic of fall to say, "Shauna, remember! Remember how much I love you! I made you all this, and it is nothing compared to what I have in store!"
I hope you are enchanted, too.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Good Questions
I didn't write this. I read it and like it and reposted it. That is my only commentary. Also, sorry Mom and Dad, I know you may not agree.
On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura: ...
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian).
On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura: ...
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination .... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan, James M Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)